You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
