He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
