I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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