i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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