It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
