she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
