Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
