Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
