I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize