he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
