My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
