Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
