we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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