..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
