my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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