At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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