Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
