Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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