what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
