Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
