Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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