There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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