Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
