"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
