I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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