he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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