You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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