It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
