I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
