someone get that fucking seahorse.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Watching her eat just hurts me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
