I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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