Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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