i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
