things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
