That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
