Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
