I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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