Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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