I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I could fuck to npr.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
