piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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