Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize