Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
