remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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