I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
