You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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