I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
