Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
