I want to stick my p in your. b.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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