Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
