i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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