Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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