Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize