I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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