I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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