Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
