You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
