I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
