If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
