I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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