I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
