New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
