bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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