my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
