I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
