Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
