I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
