Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
