if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
