why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
