Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
