and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
