he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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