So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
