I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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