You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
