If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I understand Curling. That high.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
