There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
