Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
